yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
