Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
