I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
