His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
