We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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