I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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