first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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