New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
