duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
