I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
