Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
