you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
