she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
