i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
