Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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