And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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