Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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