This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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