i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
