just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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