Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
