so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
