Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
