Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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