"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
