this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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