I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
