shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
