I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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