the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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