I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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