i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
