The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
