Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
