Don't make out with my wife yet
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize