i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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