I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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