Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
