There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
