Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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