it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So much rum. So many feels.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
