Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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