I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
