my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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