I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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