He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
