You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
