guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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