I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
