Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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