I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
