Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
