did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
