We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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