Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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