Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
