My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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