Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
