garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
