I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
