Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
