well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
