are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
