time to smoke my breakfast
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
