I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
