do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
