I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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