woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize