Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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