he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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