So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
