Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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