Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
