A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
