You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
