rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im holly from the hills drunk
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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