Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
