i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
