My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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