am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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