i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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